View NW from McAfee
Back on Trail again, again. Yellow-blazed back to the 'burg after hiking yesterday. Sent off resume to Ralph. Did chores, moved plants upstairs, too. Nice to have another rest as R knee still bothers me. Pain on the inside of the knee cap. What did I do to it coming down off Angels Rest?
Finally escaped Blacksburg after several aborted attempts. Sitting here upon McAfee's Knob, partly sunny, winds blowing steady. Early summer haze obscures the ridgelines west and north - the interchange at Troutville a bit visible, but not clear. Beautiful and empty at the same time. Kick off the boots, pull off the soaked t-shirt - catch some rays - why not. This past week has been very difficult, mulling over whether to continue the hike or use the summer to find a different career and life. I cried last night - a black emptiness I can't express, wounds of trust, wounds of spirit perhaps I am only now facing. I've turned my back on two promising jobs in attempts to salvage relationships that had no future. I've learned much about people, more about myself, not all positive or pleasant. I wrote early on about us walking out here, dealing or facing our pains, both shared and singular. It has been nearly a third of this trail, and yet in the dark of my little basement room in a town I dearly love with all but no sleep for me to realize I have moved on, and 'my' little town is no longer for me. It's time to walk away from the 'burg and 13 years of my life. To allow history to be only history now. I don't feel hollow. That's not the right term, or empty. I feel blank. As in slate. Maybe in clean. A release of a clenched jaw, held breath grown burning in the chest - the absence of pressure held. The tightness relaxed, into just being. Awkward to write this.
I sat atop the Knob for three hours, running through a lot of thoughts and emotions. I had started this hike with a quick blurted out answer to what I was going to do with this year. That was almost half a year ago. Three and a half states ago. 700 miles ago. Two toenails ago, before I lost the feeling in my feet.